sat run

did my pb for 4.8 today. 20:34.
heard aqidah say wrongly at first la. thought it was 19:34.
sighs.
loong way to go.
for myself and the team a fit sportsman should do a 20 easily.
and i was struggling in the 8th round onwards...darnn.
intensive training here i come!

and to all squashers: please finish ur selections asap esp those ppl who have only completed a few like jeremy, wallace and yuan sheng.
coach wants to collate the results so faster finish by week1 of 2008!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i sat down there
with the box flickering away
and nothing going pass my eyes
except of what had been
and might have been....
but u wun know
cos i was right
u wun

marion raven

marion raven anyone?
her songs just rocks the socks off...
okay that's an overstatement
but still it's rockable!

title

"you are right. i wun"
interpreted: duh of cos...how many times u want me to say?
pessimis interpreted: just get out of my life
action: sighs alright. that's luckopportunityveracity?ever gone....

those words would stay
your last words to me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
finally got the mood to cut hair but that guy just dont want to cut it any shorter!!!
nvm shall go in about 20 more days..haha

Luck opportunity veracity? ever

fate, luck and brains

if fate ever gives the chance
with some luck and the use of brain
this shall be revived
+++++++++++++++
02227449

naught

guess mine din come true
fallen face flat
into the mud.

sub
subb
subbed
substitute
substitution
substitution reaction

in
the end
all this dont
matter one bit

christmas coming

christmas's coming
when its time to belive
where dreams come true
and hopes not forsaken...

26 hours more...
will mine come true?
it all depends on u.

if only

if only we can completely understand and feel what others feel, life would be easier,
and yet complex at the same time for others would be able to feel what u feel.

if only we can forgive and forget, life would be better,
but then it wont matter whether u have done right or wrong isn't it.

but that's if only....
the world doesn't change
but ur perspective of it can...
and those around you too..
(now, i'm truely typing gibberish)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What would you
"what would you say to me
if we have never met before
what would you say to me
if i still feel the way i do
what would you say to me
when every night i dream of you
i guess it's true what my heart can do"

i know what i want to learn now...music! haha

today? yesterday? tmr?

what is yesterday but memories?
what would become of today if u think about yesterday?
would today then become yesterday?
and tomorrow be today?

but yesterday was the results of the days before.
and if yesterday is all u think about....
time would stop...
for you only sadly....
the world wont pause...
ppl wont stop...
but what abt a similar yesterday for tmr and the days after?
for u and me?

++++++++++++++++++++
2 entries a day, what a day...
if this shld be the last
i ever wake up from
tonight's sleep.... =]

Warlords

watched warlords yesterday night. first movie of this hols. how pathetic is that la?
anyway, personally i think its quite a good movie, though like what Ching there's no moral of the story thing... or at least i missed it then. but you have to give credit to the actors la..its superb! lol
however, there are plenty of thought provoking dialogues. u are sorta of able to modernise the circumstances to what you experience now.

is it true that you have to be evil now for a better tomorrow?
how true is your friendship?
to what extent will you go to realise your own dreams?
we all believe in certain ideals but in the end it boils down to survival and satisfication of one's greed.
but there are still some who would believe in their ideals and sacrifice themselves for it.
now, that's hope for mankind!

there's one sad thing though, i think gillian fell alseep halfway thru the movie. we shall not watch such genre shows next time i guess. haha.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

had training today... only 2 guys came. most of them were awol. so it was qutie a boring training till coach came and played match with him. was played around till i was out of breath la....and why is that so? i kept giving centre shots. -_- after so much drills i still commit the same mistakes....

BUt that maybe be because the grip of my racquet has slipped, the strings move around after every shot and myracquet has a crack along the neck, making it unstable.

alrights, the SAD truth is that i need much more training in skills and fitness...
++++++++++++++++++
but u are bringing me on a roller coaster ride...
unaware of what will happen next.
one more chance
that's all i need.

SL PROJECT

After 3 days, Sl is finally over.

let's start with the first day. i was tired from chalet the previous day. didn't help that everything was unorganised. the kids were not easy to interact with and let's just say a lil problematic.
but as the day went on, started to get a hang of it. and actually managed to chat with some of them, especially the introvert ones! hahas

was quite disappointed when ppl who are actually free din want to help out on the second day (this makes me miss anderson sec even more!!). but luckily it wasn't so bad, as the kids are now more friendly and those who wun interested were playing games at the courts and playground.

THIRD DAY. which is actually today. took a deep plunge into the ocean when i performed a short magic show. and why did i have such a ' GREAT' chance? thanks to jon quek arh.... -_-"
my strength is so not into stage magic but street...oh wells, it was quite okay except one of the tricks, screwed it up pretty much. but still at least it mystified the kids. =] and i guess made htem happy too. hahas

on the whole, it was quite a gratifying 3 days. sure did have fun and gained more experience on handling kids. and some of them are real cute! appearance wise and their antics. although sometimes their actions maybe overzealous and off the limit. its actually quite sad though, knowing that their life isn't as perfect.... =[ but the home is like a safe haven for them, a place for them to interact and play with each other, they may have disagreements now and then but that's what makes the place a community where they can live, sleep and play at peace. anyway, now that its over...sorta of miss them. hahas. and really, when they listen to you they are really fun to play with.
Full of energy Always`
-you just need to know what to do at what moment (wish i hav that kind of skills on some ppl)

sighs, too bad din get any of the guy's email..hahas..ohwells, will hafta depend on fate then. =]

afterwards jenn, xq, zy, leroy and i went all the way to bugis to find gifts. in the end leroy was late cos he took so loooooooong to bathe and apply make-up. anyway, finally got my gift but dont think it was the best but wells, i just dont know la! and i still have to find christmas cards! hahas

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

it comes creeping
and there's no way to stop it
nor anywhere to run
but to stand firm,
brace yourself for
what may comes....

anyway, got this from a show yesterday.
there's a story in japan that goes like this.
there's this creature that is all hairy in front
but bald and smooth skin behind.
when it approaches you,
you would hesitate
and slowly watch it lumber pass.
but right after it crosses you,
you recognise it.
so you reach out to grab it.
however, its smooth skin and bald back slips from your grip.
so you can only watch it slowly lumbers away from you,
never to be seen again.
this creature is called opportunity.
we always hesitate when the opportunity arrives
and tries to grab it when its all too late.....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i have to repeat this i miss the kids. =]

Sl

what to do?
dont know.

need or want

i need to train more and toughen up
for squash, studies, bball and....

are u ignoring me now?
did i do the wrong thing again.
guess i would not know,
if history repeats.
i so hope it would not...

gahh, what did i just type?!
sighs, nearly get to burst a new ball today.
vented my frustrations, sadness and anger all on my drives.
too bad grace chia switched it when the ball went to her side.
DARN!

...and something warm fill up my eyes
and the world seems blury.
i hate this confusion.
why cant i feel nothing.
maybe i shld try being a monk after this.
have to eat vegetable only though.
that's horrifying....
in a way.

all's well ends well
all's not that well ends ???
all's bad ends ???

still u wont know
anything.
shld i be sad or happy?
look on the bright side i guess =]
hgis....

training

went sch early as usual and did my drives till the eye protector fogged up and i got dizzy...hahas

after that training started off with the selections...and then physical....3.2k, pumping,purpees,sit-ups (LOL mao bluffed the guys successfully so we did extra haha)then 5k. some of the guys arh...haii decided to slack and half ran half walk. disappointed sia. how are we ever going to improve with such mindset!? we are already at a disadvantage without experienced players, so we have to have extremely good physical form too. and we shld really start treating drills enthusiastically and seriously...not much time left le!!! haiz

managed to start on tutorials yesterday but only managed to do 10 questions cos well...have to do physics question too...not that i'm complaining..just feeling a lil worried...i dont wanna get sucky grades again! and i hafta remember ot bring a jacket to the lib next time, freezing with the rain pattering outside. and dinner was well nice. haha

training tmr and i wonder how i'm gonna play. lesson learnt nv ever curse urself (even for fun) and nv run so much after ur foot just recover from a blister...

====================================
i can nv end a post just like that. and i dont know why.

some things can never be achieved no matter how hard i try
'less i'm given a chance.
will u.

coming up next....

its strange.
no matter how hard others try
be if 5, 10 or 20
u can nv smile
but all it takes is a smile from one
and the day instantly shines.

stup...........

stupefied by the stupendous stupidity....
of myself.

cut myself with the edge of the drawer -_-
spend my precious sunday doing nothing...
stying up at home
even the rain dont help
cos i'm not feeling warm
nor cold
but sedated, confused
and a dull ache.....
everywhere



maybe we all dont have a soul but individuality, conscience and sub-conscience,
which when combines create the knowledge of 'I'
causing the many heartaches that ensues
and tragedies to occur.

they say we have to trust ourselves before we can really trust others
but i can never trust myself totally
based on what i know of myself
the only trust i have is that i cant trust myself.
so where do i go after?

==============================================
GREAT...

bed

to lie upon
a mattress upon a bed
floating among the sea
with dolphins as friends
stars as light
and waves lapping on the wooden frames of the bed...
to lay there with the passing of the night
to see the final sunrise
and with yester's sunset as a memory
to venture yonder this plane
to the void beyond
where 'I' disappears
to nothing
which is part of everything

solution

to solve all this madness
stop these wars
prevent all crimes...
the solution lies not in law or moral values or religion
but the state of mind individuals are in...
being contented.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
now this may sound random but got it from a book call the strawmen or something like that. it does sound true in its way

the difference between 1 and 2 or between 3 and 2 one unit.
thus there seem to be no difference between 1,2 and 2,3.
but there is for the jump from 1 to 2 is singular to multiples.
wheras that jump from 3 to 2 is many to many, thus there is really not much difference.
so it matters not whether is from 2 to 3 or 3 to 4....
but it does matter when its from 1 to 2

now we come to the difference between 1 and 0 or 1 and 2.
this difference is even greater.
for 0 meants nothing, zilch nil, and the change from that to 1 means a creation from nothing.
so its not equivilant to the increase in number from 1 to 2 or 3 to 4 later.
becausethe change from 0 to 1, emans that u have done sth or sth is done already. so it matters not how many times its done again.

NOT DOZING OFF YET? but still confused?

take this example: there's a difference between committing one murder or committing two murder but there's not much difference between committing 2 or 3 murders...for it has become many....be it 2,3,4 or 5... (maybe thsi is not a very good example, but u shd get the drift)

and yet again, there's a difference between not committing a murder or committing a murder for if you are the latter it does not matter how many murders you have committed you are still a murderer. thus making the change from 0 to 1 very significant.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we are capable of feeling so many emotions at once and yet feel that we are bursting when just experiencing just one of it.

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so
....but i dont know who you are
And i hate this feeling so....